I've had a weirdly hard week. I haven't had anything in particular that has been extra hard, I've just felt depressed, anxious, and so frustrated. And I don't even know why. I don't really have a good reason. Jealousy has been a feeling I've been struggling with recently. I don't know if I'm craving change, or if I fear it. It's easy to live vicariously through others with social media, and it's been fueling some negativity for me recently. So I'm going back to basics. I'm writing on my blog today, like I used to write on my old one. Where I'm honest, raw, and just myself. (I've been myself up to this point, but I avoid negative topics as much as possible.) And right now, I just need a few reasons to be happy TODAY. I need a shot a silver lining. So I'm making one of those stupid lists. Things I'm grateful for. Things I want to accomplish. The whole bit.
-The greatest husband who is always striving to be a better person, and is so unconditional with me, that I get to love forever
-A little puppy dog named Moose who always knows when I'm sad, and snuggles me, makes me laugh, and is getting smarter each day
-My dream home. Honestly. It's every thing I've ever wanted, and then some
-A wonderful mother who is always there for me. She is my confidante, and my dearest friend
-An incredible daddy who calls me on layovers, just to see how I'm doing, and always knows a great read
-Siblings I can count on. Three of them. PJ-the best, wisest, wittiest, nicest older brother. Sara-the kindest, most sincere, funniest, prettiest, smartest older sister. And Sophie-the sweetest, most hilarious, goofy, beautiful, genuine-ist baby sister
-Suzi Crist- best friends since 4, making retarded jokes since 14
-Sariah Saili- Sweet, consistent, hilarious, beautiful, and someone that will talk to me for 3 hours just because.
-My health: It was such a struggle in 2013/early 2014. I'm getting close to celebrating a year of great health. And it feels so good
-My wonderful in-laws- we always have so much fun together
-My bed who has given me many hours of delightful sleep
-Tv-most importantly Netfix. Hours and hours of entertainment
-God. Even though I struggle, and I'm not perfect, He loves me. And that's always enough
I want to:
-Be able to climb a V4-V5 handily by April
-Lose 20-25 pounds (3 dress sizes) by April (for those of you concerned, that's 5 pounds a month, or a pound a week. Totally healthy weight loss.)
-Run a 10K
-Learn how to lead climb
-Climb outside. Lots.
-Play around in Moab with PJ and Toots
-Finish setting up my art studio, and actually start painting
-Dye my hair red, or just like Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook (I'm OBSESSED with her hair in that movie.)
-Pierce my nose or get a new tattoo
-Take my modeling to the next level. Maybe even sign with an agency
-Learn how to code, and make a bitchin' blog
-Take Dave to Seattle and through the Redwood Forest
-Visit Portland, OR
-Go to Las Vegas for my 21st Birthday
-Go to NC, see Suzanna for the first time in 2.5 years, and see her graduate from UNCW (and also meet her boyfriend Kevin)
-Disneyland annual passes...again.
-Go to Disneyworld
-Travel Europe-Specifically: Ireland, Scotland, England, Germany, Spain, Italy, France, Greece (Santorini), and Romania
This is making me feel a little better. Especially when I look at my goals. There is a lot I want to accomplish, and I think I'm going to add a bucket list to this blog. Give myself regular things to look forward to. The beginning of the year is always a crappy time for me, I just get bluesy and blah. So I'm ready to start looking for my silver linings.
All my love,
|Dave sent me this:|
Moosie sleeping in the yard with his favorite toys...the hose, and a giant plank of wood. Hahaha.